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Positively YOU
How to think, feel and be happier and more positive
- Self esteem versus self compassion
- Doubts and limiting beliefs
- How our mind processes information
- Simple techniques to take into the future
Good self esteem is the rock that all success is built upon.
Strong self compassion helps you to remain calm and grounded even when you make mistakes.
The Dalai Lama says, be kind whenever possible – it is always possible.
Being kind to yourself is not selfish; it's logical and practical and in fact will benefit everyone around you, because if you are happy being you, then your light will shine for everyone who comes into contact with you. It also enables you to feel confident about yourself and abilities and energised enough to help other people.
Why do we doubt ourselves?
We all believe certain things about ourselves. We are good with money, have a good heart, can't do maths or chemistry, have a funny nose, are a plodder. Whatever, there are millions of beliefs, some we've adopted and we own, some we don't. So what makes us believe certain things about ourselves and not believe others?
Many of our beliefs were formed when we were younger and they may have been in response to a certain situation that was going on at the time and have no basis in fact now. ALSO many beliefs that we have about ourselves were given to us by other people and they may have been wrong.
Even well meaning people can give us erroneous beliefs about who we are and what we are capable of. Like the teacher who kindly gives us an excuse about not catching the ball, never mind not everyone can be co-ordinate.Or the parent who wants to be fair, Carol is the brainy one but you are the little cutie.
A belief is just that, a belief, it's neither true nor is it false, it's simply something that we happen to believe about ourselves and others.
The great thing about that, is if it's a belief that's not serving and/or supporting us, then we can change it into something different that will support us.
How the unconscious mind processes information
The unconscious part of our mind is the part that runs our autonomic nervous system, basically it runs everything that we are not currently thinking about, like our respiratory system, our blood pumping, our immune system doing its job, our hair growing, blinking, adjusting muscles for standing, sitting – everything that makes us be able to function without conscious thought.
It's also the part of our brain that stores all our memories, beliefs, emotions – everything.
It's the ‘doing' part of us.
So, simply put, we can tell ourselves whatever we want to believe and if we tell ourselves often enough, long enough and with enough passion, we will start to believe it. It will become a part of our new belief system. Once we believe it, our whole body, mind, emotions act and re-act as if its so and our behaviour changes. The really interesting thing is that other people also react to us more positively when we believe the best about ourselves.
Whatever we can conceive and believe, we can achieve. – Napoleon Hill.
Some simple ways to develop your positive self esteem
Positive self talk - in the morning when you wake, before you get up, tell yourself loving supportive messages about yourself and how your day will run, seek the positive
Affirmations - Are a positive statement of intention of who or where we wish to be in our future. They are not true for us now, it's what we would like to be true for us.
We can do affirmations at any time, they are especially effective when we are doing something that is rhythmical and repetitive as then we are in 'day dream state' and they float into the unconscious part of our mind more easily and with less resistance.
examples of affirmations are:. I am happy, healthy and whole, I am confident and successful, I'm calm and in control. People always help me. I love my life. I attract abundance.
Question your limiting beliefs. Just because I've never done this, doesn't mean I can't do this now, just because I find it tricky, doesn't mean it's beyond my capability.
Meditation - is good for developing strong self esteem and self compassion. During meditation you can insert positive comments about yourself directly into the unconscious part of your mind where all change happens and all thoughts are stored, it's a great way for gaining perspective.
Simple Ways to develop self compassion
Ask yourself, am I happy with this situation? - We are used to checking with others if they are ok, make sure you also check in with yourself. Am I ok, you are a person too.
Treat yourself as you would your best friend - If our best friend did something silly or wrong, we would try to minimise the situation for them, wouldn't we? mostly we would say things like, don't worry, it's ok, it's not that bad, better luck next time and other supportive words. Make sure that you also say these things to yourself when you make a mistake. People make mistakes all the time, not because we are stupid but because we've put ourselves out there and tried something new and are learning and growing. It's ok.
Forgive yourself when you get things wrong - put away your hair shirt. Everyone gets things wrong it's a part of the human condition, we learn and grow not from doing things right, but by getting it wrong, Realise that it's ok to get things wrong and keep trying.
Live with your mistakes and move on - Once a mistake has been identified, rectify it if you can and then move on without carrying it with you. Do not dwell on what you can't change, lift that burden off your shoulders. Learn the lesson and leave the guilt, shame, blame behind.
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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually who are you not to be? "
Marianne Williamson - A return to love
Be ok with who you are.
We meditate for various reasons. Peace of mind we all badly need. Therefore, when we meditate, either consciously or unconsciously we aim at peace of mind. Meditation give us peace of mind without a tranquilliser. And unlike a tranquilliser, the peace of mind that we get from meditation does not fade away. It lasts for good in some corner of the inmost recesses of our aspiring heart. Sri Chinmoy
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Dr. Deborah Kerslake is an experienced hypnotherapist, psychotherapist and master life coach who specialises in helping people become happier, healthier and living their life to the full. Further details
I hope this information is helpful. If I can help further please do contact me.